December 01, 2017

Frequently asked questions about shiduchim.

November 23, 2017

A young lady writes a letter to her parents: I know you want to see me settled in a happy marriage, and that is why you are working so diligently for a shiduch for me.  I love you, I truly appreciate your intent, but the way you are going about it isn’t working for me. 

September 11, 2017

As you work through a list of qualities that you absolutely must have in a spouse, it is also important to state to yourself WHY that is so crucial to you for a successful marriage.

August 20, 2017

If you (or your friend) are not 'on the same page' as your parents regarding shiduchim, here are some ways you might discuss this  with your parents. Respect and appreciation for your parents are crucial for such conversations to be effective.

August 03, 2017

When meeting someone for shiduchim purposes, it is important to know what you ought to know about each other and the relationship before you commit to marriage and a life time together.  

June 26, 2017

​Narcissism: What is it? What is it like to be married to a narcissist? How to detect narcissistic tendencies during dating?

Talk by David Kohn LCSW, CASAC and Rabbi Levi Garelik.  February 2013.  (Audio only)

Also, read the article (below).

May 26, 2017

Generally, people are on their best behavior during dating. So it is especially important to really tune in and pay attention to the following questions during the dating. These are RED FLAGS of controlling tendencies.

June 07, 2017

Dating ideas. The idea is not only to have a nice time together, but to get to know each other from a different angle.

How to compliment the other person. What to say.

Opening car door  - yes, no?  Some perspectives and how tos.

Some tips about talking with a young lady during dating.

Basic dating etiquette while walking outside.

Conversation moves along nicely. And then there’s silence. Awkward! Or is it?

Real listening is not as simple as just being part of the conversation and allowing the other to talk.  It’s about really trying to understand her  – her views, her questions, her concerns.

What to share… when to share … how to share… 

So you come home after a date. And then what?

Sometimes it happens. You’re dating someone and you’re just not sure.  Sometimes, ‘taking a break’ from meeting each other is the best thing to do.   What to do during this break?

Both personality and character are important in a shiduch.  Oftentimes, the character is somewhat overlooked as both personality and character are blurred into one. And it is critical it is to separate them. 

When you both shine because of each other, you’ve got hamshachas halev.

How to keep the other person's dignity and your own when ending a shiduch.

There are only a certain number of brain cells you can use during a date.  Being self-conscious limits your ability to express yourself fully.  It also limits your ability to be fully aware. If you are using too many brain cells trying to impress or being self conscious, you really can’t get to know the other person.

When dating for marriage, there are some important topics that must be discussed. These may be difficult for some people, and they may have a harder time sharing, asking, being vulnerable.   It is important not to avoid the topics because of that uncomfortability. You gotta be patient. And make it comfortable to open up.

Of course, everything happens for a reason. Broken engagements and divorces, R”L, are all part of Hashem’s plan.  Let’s try to understand how some mismatched people commit to marriage. That awareness can be helpful in avoiding that for yourself.  Here we share several common enough relationship traps.  Not to scare you… just something to think about.

On each date, you will share some about yourself and find out some about the other person. And you may also want to follow up on something you said or heard on a previous date. Plan this all.  This will keep your dating productive and on track.

Every Shiduch plays out differently; and each one needs the head space to make good decisions.  Don't let a deadline pressure you.

How to ascertain  if he will be a good husband and father.

Every person is unique. The way you process your world is different than your friends.  There’s no right way you should be feeling about a prospective spouse.

Verbal abuse is a kind of battery which doesn’t leave evidence comparable to the bruises a physical battery. It can be just as painful, and recovery can take much longer. The victim of abuse lives in a gradually more confusing realm.   Some ways to recognize verbal abuse.

How to recognize if the person has a Growth Mindset - willing to work for the marriage during life's ups and downs.

The question is not if a medical condition should be shared but rather when and how to tell.

Some perspectives to consider about a first date that didn't go so well.

All people who are dating for shiduchim – no matter how many people they have dated – ought to have someone “outside” their usual circles with whom they can talk about this particular dating experience.  Someone beyond their parents, siblings and friends.  Someone who cares about you, but is not that close to you.

 At times, talking to an unbiased third party – such as a Rav, mashpia, coach, therapist or other qualified professional – can really help.

When we trust someone, we are more comfortable in their company, conversation flows more smoothly, and the relationship is much more enjoyable and pleasant. Isn’t that what we all want in a dating experience – comfortability, good conversation and an overall pleasant experience.

Some conversation starters you might ask to get to know the other person more deeply. And at the same time, these are the types of things you ought to share about yourself.

In order to build the foundation for a relationship, you need to create a meaningful connection, and this comes when you truly connect with who the other person is.

Asking the right questions can unlock the gates for a meaningful connection and deep understanding of one another.

Some discussion starters to help you  learn lots about a person - passions, character, personality, priorities, how they deal with life situations.  The real person.