Recognizing signs of abuse early in marriage.

The wedding is over and the young couple settles into shanah rishonah and a life together.  For most, there is the bliss. And the normal challenges and the typical 'hard work' of building the marriage.  Sadly, for a few, it is the beginning of a nightmare of abuse and control.

Sometimes, without realizing, one or both of a couple is harming the marriage relationship. Often, they think that "If just my spouse would change." And then with a bit more introspection, they think, "Can it be me who is ruining our marriage?"

A short clip about not excusing the abuse being perpetrated.

A short clip about the stress of 'Walking on Eggshells' to avoid another episode of abuse.

A short clip about ending the generational cycle of abuse.

This Pesach, let’s make the concept of freedom a reality for those who are being abused.

A short clip about why some women don't leave their abuser. You just don't know the whole story.

A short clip about the myth of "It takes two to destroy a marriage". Sometimes, it really does take just one.

​Short clip about the excuse "You made me do it." Nobody makes anyone do anything. Nobody.

A short clip about how 𝐂𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐧 𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐀𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐕𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐃𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐕𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞

When someone tells you they are bring abused ... Believe.

A short clip about the pain that verbal abuse causes. by Adai Ad

A slide show depicting the difference between Domestic Abuse, Dysfunction and Mental Illness. Based on an article by Lisa Twerski. 

Listen in as Lisa Twerski, LCSW, guides and supports 'Nechama' and 'Yisrael', as they work to help their sister through an abusive marriage.

Online webinar with Erin Bistricer, Staff Attorney for Shalom Taskforce: Sarah's Voice
 

Covering:

- Custody
- Support
- Equitable Distribution

- Order of Protection / Exclusive Occupancy
- Family Court vs Supreme Court
- Arbitration vs Mediation vs Litigation
​Presented under a grant by the New York City Council Domestic Violence Initiative .

Lisa Twerski

Men as victims of abuse? How we define the term and why it matters.

Helping someone work through marriage issues is a huge responsibility. The number one rule in medicine “Do No Harm” is definitely apropos here. You certainly do not want to make a difficult situation even more complex. The questions you ask, the perspectives you share, the words you use; these all matter – are you helping or are you chas v’shalom making things even worse?

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Rabbi Shais Taub shares some Dos and Don’ts from his experiences as a rabbi and relationship expert. 

Rabbi Shais Taub

Of course, your rabbi (and mashpia) is available to listen and speak with you about all matters in your life. But you can’t just hope that somehow he will divine your reason for asking for a consultation and then offer appropriate help.

All too often, Rabbis have best intentions to be helpful, but they just cannot be – they simply don’t know enough about the situation. As a result, everyone becomes frustrated and disappointed. Even worse is when the rabbi gives the wrong advice, something that might bring more harm and stress. Most often it is because vital details have not been disclosed.

We have all learned about the Gemara that says that when someone divorces his wife, even the Mizbeach (Altar) sheds tears on his account. (Gittin 90b, Sanhedrin 22a). What does this really mean and how does it apply to ending a marriage of severe pain and abuse?

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Rabbi YY Jacobson discusses: “Does the Mizbeach Cry When an Abusive Marriage Ends? An hashkafic view on ending an abusive marriage.”

A discussion with David Kohn, LCSW, CASAC about the difference between dysfunction, mental illness and domestic abuse. And why that difference matters. 

June 26, 2017

​Narcissism: What is it? What is it like to be married to a narcissist? How to detect narcissistic tendencies during dating?

Talk by David Kohn LCSW, CASAC and Rabbi Levi Garelik.  February 2013.  (Audio only)

Also, read the article (below).

May 26, 2017

Generally, people are on their best behavior during dating. So it is especially important to really tune in and pay attention to the following questions during the dating. These are RED FLAGS of controlling tendencies.

May 04, 2017

By Rabbi YY Jacobson. An hashkafic view of ending an abusive marriage.  
**Includes recording of the conference call and an article summarizing the call.

April 25, 2017

What we don't know about Domestic Abuse can hurt someone else. This lack of real knowledge prevents too many people from recognizing just who can be an abuser and who can be a victim. And so they just don't provide the right support and understanding that victims need.

Rabbi Shais Taub joins Devora Krasnianski of Adai ad in a conversation about talking to your Rav about Shalom Bayis issues.

** Includes recording  and article summarizing the discussion.

Important Dos and Don't when trying to be helpful to a loved one in an abusive marriage. 

Verbal abuse is a kind of battery which doesn’t leave evidence comparable to the bruises a physical battery. It can be just as painful, and recovery can take much longer. The victim of abuse lives in a gradually more confusing realm.   Some ways to recognize verbal abuse.